Yesterday was another kind of blah day.
Didn't have a whole lot planned.
Went with my sister and my mom to get my mom something to wear for the wedding this weekend. Was REALLY disappointed in the selection at kohls. They had items on mannequins that they didn't even have left in stock! The store was a mess. The dress selection in general sucked.
We had a turkey picatta with fettuccine for dinner yesterday, another new recipe. It wasn't terrible, but I think if we make it again I may adjust some of the ingredients.
Today my sister and my brothers girlfriend went home. They were both visiting for the weekend. It always sucks when my sister has to go back to Indiana. I wish she lived closer. My sister lives in Indianapolis, and Katy lives in Canal Winchester, which is about halfway to our house, so my sister just picked her up on the way here, and dropped her off on the way home.
I've really been loving on my kids and thinking a lot about them lately.
I found out over the weekend, that this girl my sister went to school withs infant daughter died last week, supposedly from SIDS. I met her, and her daughter Jordyn once. And the fact that this sweet 3 month old baby is actually dead is consuming me. I have always had issue with death, and dealing witness it. And the fact that a baby I was smiling at, and was making faces at me, just 3 weeks ago, is now.....not here....is just a hard concept to grasp. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about a dead baby. Is that sick? What is wrong with me? I feel like I couldn't handle something like that. I don't know how i would go on if something happened to one of my kids. I don't think I am built strong enough for something lie that. Since Meredith was born especially, I have had nightmares, and thoughts about something bad happening to my kids. Does that make me a freak? Is it normal to have bad dreams about bad things happening to your kids? I love them so damn much I can't even explain. The thought that anything ever, could happen to them frightens me dearly. I know, I know, this is all just part of being a mother. But i have become overly paranoid about something happening to them. I suppose it can only subside with time. I know I'll always worry about them. But i hope some of this anxiety goes away soon.
Completely random sidenote-Tonight's dinner was eggplant parm and pasta. I think tomorrow will be a free-for-all night since we've been doing so much homemade cooking lately. Time for a break
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