9/23/12

So. Aside from trying new recipes and our normal daily routine, I also started on a diet the other day.
I have had a lot of up and down issues with my weight since I had my first child, and it only got worse after my second.
I hadn't lost all my "baby weight" from Logan yet, when I got pregnant with Meredith when Logan was 11 months old. Luckily I didn't gain that much with my second pregnancy, and actually, funny enough, I was the exact same final weight when I delivered each of them.
I have a tendency to give myself a goal weight to get to by a certain time....usually an event.....a party, reunion, baby shower. And then if/when I don't reach that weight, the event passes, and then I get discouraged and lazy and stop trying. That definitely happened with my 10 year high school reunion in July. I didn't get anywhere near what I wanted to, and then not only did I not really try....but I went the complete opposite way and was basically eating all day, every day. Going extreme with snacking and eating things I normally wouldn't even eat. I let myself get to my highest non-pregnant weight ever. So yes, I use the word diet, which has become a bad word-in favor of people preaching that you need to change your lifestyle, etc, etc. I use diet because it's an easy word, and it's what I feel comfortable with. To lose the weight, I am "dieting," but then maintaining it later is where the lifestyle change comes in for me. Obviously to LOSE weight, you need to consume a lot less calories (or burn more), but once you get where you want to be, you just have to learn how many calories you need to maintain. So while I think the calculator I used online said I need to consume about only 1288 calories a day (with my current low exercise amounts-which I am going to bump up higher at some point, but right now my exercise amount is low). When I get to my goal weight, it estimates (still with the low exercise amount) that I can maintain that goal weight eating about 1529 calories a day. So obviously losing it is going to mean cutting back my calories more than when I maintain it. So yes, I use the word diet, because that's how I feel about the "losing" weight portion of my journey. If I can keep a 3 times a week light exercise workout going when I reach my goal weight I can consume an average of 1752 calories a day. Which is probably a lot more do-able for me.
So it's been a rough couple days, but I'm hoping once a week or two passes I will feel more settled in my routine and my stomachs expectations will change. I also readily recognize that I am an emotional eater and a boredom eater. I've been really catching myself and paying attention when I have the urge to eat, but am realizing I am probably not actually hungry. It's just a habit. While sitting down watching tv after the kids are finally in bed. Or if I'm upset or angry or something I will go to eat. And that's a terrible, terrible habit.
Also, I like a lot of fruit! I really do! But if there's an apple and a slice of chocolate cake in front of me.....I'd say I'm picking the cake 100% of the time. So while it's alright to have "desserts" sometimes, I need to learn to enjoy and indulge in my fruits a lot more often (I do eat a decent amount of vegetables, but don't care for most of them raw). It's also rough because I'm a baker and cake decorator! I LOVE creating desserts and treats and it's too hard not to try them! So I'll have to be more careful about what and how often I choose to make desserts.
I also found it's rougher to lose weight when you have kids. You've got mouths to feed breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It's time consuming....you find yourself picking at their food, or even worse just eating what you feed them-which is sometimes chicken nuggets and fries. Don't get me wrong, I don't feed my kids all "kid food" for lack of a better term. They eat what we eat for dinner, they don't get special meals. They eat the steak, pork chops, pasta, green beans, corn, rice, chicken, etc. And often if I have leftovers I will make up their lunches from bits and pieces of leftover dinners. But reality is, they eat 'fast food' sometimes. And even the chicken and fries I make at home are likely higher in calories. So that's a tricky situation for me with keeping them happy and fed, and then making separate healthier meals for myself sometimes.
While people find fault with prepackaged or frozen 'diet' meals, I kind of like them. I have found a few flavors in a couple brands that I really like. And while I know you've got to watch things like the sodium content on some of them, they work for me. They are quick and easy, not a lot of dishes are made (our dishwasher is still broken), and it's super easy for me to see the calories. It's easier to read a package than to hop on the internet and try and calculate the calories in each thing I just made. And surprisingly, there are a few of them that I found are actually pretty filling, and only around 300 calories.
Today for lunch I had a salad of lettuce, tomatoes, carrots and hard boiled egg whites with a light balsamic dressing. It was good. I treated myself to a small slice of a fresh tomato basil bread I got at the farmer's market, and while my brain is telling my I could eat more, I feel like my stomach is telling me I'm fine, and that's enough. Also while searching calorie counts last night I found that an egg white has only 17 calories! (I don't like the yolks anyway). And also tomatoes are surprisingly low calorie (I forget the exact amount). I also found a few fruits that are very low calorie that I happen to like-such as plums and carambola (star fruit). So that's pretty awesome, and I will be trying to incorporate more of those into my meals.
I've already cut out calorie drinks a long time ago. I only drink diet soda (I don't need any lectures!!), water, vitamin water zero, etc. The only time I have anything with calories is if I treat myself to Starbucks for a latte or frappuccino, or on the rare occasion I am somewhere and have an alcoholic beverage (not often).

So we're on day 3 of this thing, and I feel like I can do it. I really don't have a choice. I've let myself go so much that I am officially considered "overweight," and I feel like it's now or never to get to a reasonable healthy weight, and then go from there on how to maintain it. I feel I need to drop 30 lbs total. That will bring my BMI from the higher end of "overweight", down to a little higher than the average range of "normal weight." If I can lose 35 lbs that will put me right in the middle of the "normal weight" category for BMI.
If I was trying to be super crazy, and get to the VERY low end of the "normal weight" category for BMI, I would have to lose like 55 lbs, and I'm pretty sure that's not even possible for me, and I'd never be able to maintain it anyway!!
But I'd be more than happy with being anywhere in the normal category, especially with my body type. And if I can get to the middle of that spectrum, I'd be more than pleased with myself!! But, one step at a time I guess.